EMILY DOLAN

I am not a professional expert on grief or death. This project is personal. One day, out of the blue, I got the call that everyone dreads. My dad was sick, it didn't look good, and I should get there right away. I hopped a plane and I'm grateful to say that I made it in time. He couldn't talk but I will cherish forever the look of recognition and joy he gave me when he saw that I had arrived. I felt so lost without my dad. So I did what I have been doing my whole life: I sought refuge in books. I headed straight to the bookstore and asked the clerk for books about the death of a parent. When we walked over to the wall of books, I was overwhelmed. There were so many books; and they were huge, thick, and seemingly theoretical. The clerk and I looked at each other and I jokingly asked him if he had any flashcards. We shared one of those relieving laughs that happen too infrequently. He offered to help me look through the books for a small one... with big print. And we both hoped we could find one with pictures. I sat down on the floor because I needed to, and he sorted through the books. We settled on a decent book that had highlighted certain ideas in the margin with the thought that I could just look at those. And it helped. A little. Thank goodness for the clerk's help that night or I would have just left the store. Later, on the plane ride home, I had a notepad to do some work but words started pouring out of me instead. Things I wanted to tell myself. Things I imagined my dad and people who love me would say to me. Things I needed to hear. I wrote it all down. And I am sharing it with you here. I hope they help you. These words might seems simple, but they poured right out of my soul. I'm so sorry for your loss. Of course there are no words and no one ever knows what to say. But I hope some of these messages are a good start.

I live in the Seattle area with my partner and two sweet cats. I have a PhD in health services research (public health) from the University of Washington and work in the animal welfare field.